


I'd Give You Today, But It's Not Mine Yet

by Skaboom



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, hand holding, implications of past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27776050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skaboom/pseuds/Skaboom
Summary: As his time at Auradon Prep comes to a close, and Jay reflects on all of his friends finding what they're looking for, he feels conflicted about what his own future holds. Insecure and unsure, he finds himself sitting on the bridge between Auradon and The Isle of the Lost, where a late night conversation with Gil has the power the change everything.
Relationships: Gil/Jay (Disney: Descendants)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	I'd Give You Today, But It's Not Mine Yet

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't sleep, so this happened. This is my first foray into this fandom, I hope it's alright!  
> The title comes from the song Tonight, I Love You by The Latency

With the barrier down, and everything changing, Jay felt like he had more on his plate than ever before. He had graduated from Auradon prep, and was expected, on an athletic scholarship, at University in the fall. Mal and Ben were planning a wedding, which Jay was expected to attend as a groomsman, Evie and Doug finally admitted their love for one another, and Jay sensed that another engagement wasn’t far behind. While Jane and Carlos were moving a bit slower, and more awkward, what they had was real, too. Jay knew that his friends would always be his friends, but they weren’t kids anymore, and they were changing.

He was, too.

There had always been women. Everywhere he had turned, all he had had to do was smile, and they’d swoon - sure, maybe not _all_ of them, but enough of them, and it had been too easy. He’d played around, and never really settled, even for a little while, until Lonnie. She didn’t make him feel like the others had, there was something different about her, something that fit with what he wanted. She was a straight up badass, and he liked the way that she didn’t let him get away with anything, but she was a year older, and she had gone off to University before their flirtation had ever really stemmed into anything real, and the feelings that he had thought were developing faded as quickly as they had risen. It was easy, Jay felt, to fall out of “like” with someone when they were far away.

And then there was the question of love. Mal, Evie, and even Carlos seemed to have found it, but Jay wasn’t sure how to do that. He had never known love. His mother could have been anyone, his father never talked about her. Jay knew that she must have been on The Isle, somewhere, because how could she have left, and his father had never said that she was dead, but clearly she hadn’t wanted him, so he had never known a mother’s love, and his father? He had tried, maybe, when Jay was a kid, but it had never really taken. The bond between father and son that some people had simply wasn’t there, and Jay hadn’t realized how bad it was until he had left The Isle, but his father had treated him badly. Badly enough that Jay felt uncomfortable missing him, and did his level best not to...but it wasn’t always enough. For so long, it had been the two of them, and there were times where maybe Jay had thought that had been love, but a little boy sleeping on a rug on the floor underneath a shelf of heavy equipment that could have fallen, could have crushed him to death?  
  
At least his friends had had beds.

How could Jay have loved Lonnie, how could he have loved _anyone_ , if he didn’t know that feeling?   
  
He hadn’t had time to parse it all out. How could he, with keeping up with school, and Tourney, and the Sword & Shields team, and fighting for the rights of the VKs and other folks on The Isle, while trying to keep his new friends in Auradon safe? He had previously been so busy that he fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow, but now? With Auradon safe, the barrier down, and everything coming to a close, it felt like he couldn’t sleep at all.

After two hours of trying, and failing, to find rest, and Carlos eventually throwing a pillow at him for tossing and turning too much, Jay got up and left the dorm.

Jay spent a little time walking through Auradon before he found himself at the bridge. It wasn’t far, walking distance, really, to the Isle of the Lost, now just known as The Isle, but it seemed so far away. The Jay that had grown up there wasn’t the Jay that stood here now, but he wasn’t sure that he fully belonged in Auradon, either. Sure, he liked the athletics, and the food, and the general vibe was alright, but he felt ill at ease in the fancy garb, and like his manners had never really evolved the way Evie and Mal’s had. Carlos got away with his awkwardness because it was charming, but Jay felt like more was expected of him, and he couldn’t quite deliver.

When he was about halfway across the bridge, he stopped, sitting down, his legs dangling off the edge, eyes cast down at the water. The ocean was a symbol of how much else was out there, the water constantly moving beneath the bridge that connected two places, both of which he was a part of, but neither of which really felt like home.

He wasn’t sure how long he was sitting there before he started, hearing a voice beside him.

“Hey.”

“Jesus Christ, Gil.” Jay looked up at the other man. “You scared me! I could have fallen in!”  
  
“Nah, you wouldn’t have. You are far too dextrous for that.” 

Gil’s chest puffed out a little at the use of a big word, and Jay couldn’t help but smile. Gil wasn’t stupid, just uneducated, but since the barrier had been brought down, he’d been sitting in on some of the summer school classes, despite still calling The Isle his home.

“Lucky.” Jay couldn’t help but smile. “Flattery will get everywhere. Otherwise, I’d have had to throw you in. What are you doing out here anyways? It’s the middle of the night.”  
  
“Couldn’t sleep.” He shrugged. “And someone told me you wound up out here most nights.”   
  
“Oh, really?” Jay was surprised by that, surprised that anyone had noticed, and more than that, that it had gotten back to Gil.   
  
“Yeah, so I figured I’d come check it out, you know, if I couldn’t sleep, at least I wouldn’t be alone.”   
  
“Misery loves company,” Jay said.   
  
“Oh.” Gil looked confused as he sat down on the bridge beside Jay. “Are you miserable?”   
  
Jay opened his mouth to respond, but stopped, pausing to think.   
  
“I don’t know,” he finally admitted. “Not miserable, I guess, just...confused. Out of place.”   
  
“You?” Gil asked. “Out of place? But you’re _Jay_ , son of Jafar, best thief on the whole isle, lady’s man, charmer, gentleman of the court of Auradon, star of Tourney team, Sword & Shield master, best-”   
  
“Gil,” Jay looked over at him, laughing. “What are you doing?”   
  
“Hyping you up.” Gil nudged him. “So you won’t be miserable. You’re so good at like, everything. If someone like you feels out of place, there’s no hope for the rest of us.”   
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”   
  
“Oh come on, Jay. Half the guys on The Isle wanted to be you, the other half just plain hated you, and that’s never really changed.”   
  
“Oh yeah?” Jay raised an eyebrow. “And which one was it for you?”   
  
“Oh.” Gil shook his head quickly. “I never hated you, Jay. I mean, I’ve always looked up to you, and been jealous of you, but even when we were, you know, supposed to hate each other and all that, I didn’t. You were everything that I was supposed to be, you know? Strong, and badass, and a total killer with the ladies. My dad even said it a couple of times.” Gil paused, then began speaking in a lower tone, mimicking that of his father, Gaston. “Son, why can’t you be more like Jay? See? Now that’s a real man!”

“Really?” Jay felt an uncomfortable twisting in his gut, that his mere existence had pulled a statement like that from Gil’s dad, and caused him to talk down to his son.  
  
“Yeah. I mean let’s face it, I’ve always been on the small side, and never a badass, not really, and never even all that good at being bad.” Gil looked down, picking at one of the patches on his jeans. “Definitely _never_ a lady’s man.” He fleetingly looked at Jay, then back down at his pants. “Always a disappointment.”

“Gil,” Jay reached out, putting his hand over Gil’s to get him to stop picking at his clothing. “You’re not a disappointment.”  
  
“Yeah, I am,” Gil said. “But it’s okay. I’m just...stupid, simple, Gil, and that’s fine. You know, because at least now people don’t expect more of me. The disappointment is I guess mostly over now, and this is just who I am now.”   
  
“That’s bullshit, Gil. You never fit in on The Isle because, yeah, you didn’t have that vicious cunning that a lot of the rest of us did, and there was so much pressure to be that, but you never were. Your heart has always been so...good. You were constantly picked on because you were nice, and you wanted to make people happy, and that’s not what The Isle was about, but that can change now. It _is_ changing, you just changed faster. You were good before any of us on The Isle ever realized we had a choice. It was always you we should have been looking up to, Gil.” Jay gently squeezed Gil’s hand. “You were also so loyal, and caring, you were like, the only one of us who didn’t put yourself first, and I don’t think any of us knew what to do with someone like you. We were all so fucked up, we didn’t know a good thing when it was right in front of our faces, so we shoved you into the background.”   
  
“I’m good in the background, I think.”   
  
“I don’t think so.” Jay shook his head. “I wish…” he trailed off.

“What?”  
  
“It’s stupid.”   
  
“I doubt that.” Gil gently kicked Jay’s foot with one of his own. “Come on. Tell me.”   
  
“I just wish that I had spent more time trying to be like you, instead of acting like you were worthless. You deserve better than that, you always have.” Jay slowly withdrew his hand. “But you can have that now. Go to Auradon, Gil. It’s not too late for you to go to the Prep, sure, you’ll be a little older than the rest, but you’re smart, you just haven’t had a chance. You do now, and you’ll find people there, the right kind of people, who value who you are, and what you have to offer.”   
  
“I don’t think I’m really cut out for prep school,” Gil said. “I’ll just break stuff, and embarrass myself by eating everything with my hands.”   
  
“Wow,” Jay looked over at Gil. “You know that stuff can be taught, right?”   
  
“I guess.” Gil shrugged. “But I don’t really think that’s me. As much as I like the food, and the trees and stuff, I don’t think that’s the life for me.”   
  
“No?” Jay tilted his head to the side. “I’m not really sure it’s the life for me, either, but at the same time, I don’t think I can go back to being on The Isle, even with things changing, you know...I don’t like who I was when I lived there, but I don’t know who I am in Auradon.”   
  
“Is that why you’re sitting in the middle of the bridge?”   
  
“I don’t know,” Jay admitted. “Probably.”   
  
“Makes sense.” Gil nodded.   
  
They fell into a silence, sitting there, looking out at the moon reflecting in the water. It was comfortable, the air between them, the breeze in their hair, and Jay couldn’t remember ever having felt comfortable like this with someone, not in silence, at any rate.   
  
“We could go, you know,” he said finally.   
  
“Go?” Gil turned to look at him.   
  
“Like we said. Get a boat, see what’s out there. I mean, I don’t belong here, and you? You’re a pirate who’s never set sail.”   
  
“I thought...you just said that stuff in the heat of the moment,” Gil admitted. “I mean, everyone was so amped up, I just thought that you were excited.”   
  
“I was,” Jay admitted. “But I don’t know, it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea, does it? You know how boats work, even if you never really left the port, and we could just explore jungles, and caves, and mountains, and icebergs, and find that penguin.”   
  
“Jay…” Gil sighed.   
  
“What?”   
  
“I would, you know.” He looked at Jay for a long moment, then back out at the sea. “Set sail with you, leave this all behind. If you asked.”   
  
“Okay. Well, I’m asking.”   
  
“Yeah?”   
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Then I’ll go.”   
  
“You will?”   
  
“I’d go anywhere you asked me to, Jay.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
“You know why.” Gil’s voice was barely a whisper as he forced himself to look straight ahead, and not at the man beside him.   
  
“I…” Jay gulped. “This is going to sound ridiculous, but I think I need you to say it.”   
  
“Because I care about you.” Gil’s hand returned to toy with the patch on his jeans. “Because I think you’re incredible, and good, and smart, and brave, and strong. Because you don’t think I’m stupid for not knowing that penguins don’t live in jungles, because you went back and picked extra berries for me because you knew that I liked them.” He took a deep breath. “And...and because I think I’ve always been a little bit in love with you, even though I’m not sure I really know what that means.”   
  
Jay was speechless for a moment, but he reached out, once again taking Gil’s hand, this time, more deliberately than the last. He wasn’t just trying to get him to stop picking at his clothes now; he couldn’t have cared less about the jeans. Beneath his hand, Gil’s turned, palm now facing up, and Jay laced his fingers through the other man’s.   
  
“I’ll let the University know I’m taking some time,” Jay said softly.   
  
“You will?” Gil finally turned to look at him.   
  
“Yeah.” Jay smiled. “I want to see what’s out there. I want to see what’s _here_ .” He leaned over, kissing Gil softly on the lips. “You make me happy, Gil,” he said as he pulled away.   
  
“So...you’re not miserable anymore?” Gil asked, a smile on his face as he searched Jay’s dark eyes.   
  
“No.” Jay shook his head. “I feel better when I’m with you. I mean, it’s kind of impossible not to. You’re sunshine, Gil.”   
  
“So be with me. If I make you feel better...be with me.”   
  
The words were confident, but Gil’s tone wasn’t, and he was still looking at Jay, waiting for some sort of true confirmation that Jay felt the same way that he did. After all, He was still Gil, and Jay was _Jay_ .   
  
“I think I’d like that.” Jay leaned in again, stopping just short of Gil. “I think I’d like that a lot.”   
  
“Is this real?” Gil whispered, his breath ghosting Jay’s lips.   
  
“Yeah, Gil. It’s real.”   
  
Jay closed the rest of the gap between them, smiling against Gil’s lips. He let go of Gil’s hand, and instead moved his own up to cup Gil’s cheek, deepening the kiss, fingers tangling into Gil’s blonde hair.   
  
Maybe he didn’t know fully what love felt like, but sitting there, on the bridge between Auradon and The Isle, kissing Gil, he felt like he was starting to understand it.


End file.
